Reclaiming Your Sexuality

Tedx is generally pretty amazing, however this one struck a chord with me. Watch and see for yourself.

An 'undarned' relationship

Relationships are hard. They are like pair of bad socks. They are stinky and sweaty. They keep you on your feet and can cause you a lot of pain. But at the same time they can teach you some good life lessons, like get a better pair of socks!

            Recently I hooked with my ex. He is a super guy (or I thought he was) and we just ended things because we come from different worlds, I am a city girl, he’s a country boy, and were ultimately at different places in our lives at that time. When we got back together he, held me like it never held me before. He made me feel so secure, like all my troubles were about to melt away. He looked me in the eyes and told me there was no body else, that he wanted to give us another shot.

            Needless to say, he wasn’t speaking the truth. The next day when searching a social networking site I find out he has a girlfriend. Furthermore the day before he updates his status to read: “It’s one thing to say she is the one, it’s another to know she is the one”. We were not even talking at that point. Our communication was a fluke happenstance!

            I know this isn’t the case with every relationship I will ever be in but right now I am feeling really upset that he lied straight to my face. Even worse I feel immensely guilty for being the other woman and assisting him in his cheating on her!! If I had known that she existed I WOULD NOT have done anything! But at the same time I asked him point blank and he told me there was no one else. I feel so played.

            I just don’t understand why relationships have to be so messy and painful. Why do they have to be like those undarned socks, painful, messy when your blisters pop and hurt like nobody’s business! But I did learn something for sure, won't be going back to that relationship any time soon. I am pretty sure this one pair of socks that cannot be darned!

Be Educated, Be Safe and Be Yourself!

I cannot get my mind around this. Selling pornography as science! Making sex addicts like drug dealers make drug addicts! Masturbation as a gateway drug! Just watch and you will see what I mean. 

This video makes me so f*cking mad! Stop making sexuality a horrible thing! Research shows that your children are going to have sex whether or not you give them an inclusive sex education or an abstinence based sexual education. The main difference being a higher rate of abstinence educated young adults with STI's and pregnancy rates because they have no idea what they are doing or how to keep themselves safe! Yes statistics may be what they are, but remember those statistics include both inclusively educated and abstinence educated children. Who is to say what proportion is which within those statistics. 

If you really want to keep your kids safe, allow them to know their f*cking body! If you don't know that your clitorous is covered by a hood (that it is not actually the little flappy bit you see at first glance) there is something wrong!

There is more than one way to love and I really wish that fundementalist groups would get it out of their head their heterosexual hypocritical bias and learn that love is love is love is love. People need to be safe which means they need to be educated! Be Educated, Be Safe and Be Yourself!!!

Happy You Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Single Awareness Day!

Happy Consumeristic Holiday!

Happy Anti-Independence Day!

Whatever you call today: Happy Day!

For my Valentines is a day of mixed emotions, while I love the idea of celebrating the love that exists between people, Valentines is such an overally consumeritic holiday that I feel it losses sight of what it actually about. It is not about the chocolates or the flowers, or the ooh so sexy lingerie. It is about saying to someone hey I care about you a fucking lot!

But what gets me is why can’t we do that everyday! Why can’t we everyday turn to the people close to us and say you mean a lot to me and I want you to know, just because. Why do we need a specific day to celebrate love? Can’t love be an everyday thing?

In addition, why does it have to be romantic love we celebrate? Why can’t we celebrate friendship, family, fuck just celebrate being you.

Whether it is you as a friend, you as a son/daughter, whomever you may be: take today and celebrate you. Who says you need to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentines Day. I surely don't, instead celebrate everything and anything that is important to you. 

So to everyone out there I wish you a Happy You Day!

If You Do NOT have Anything Nice to Say

I feel super insulted right now. One of my best friends ex’s, who I will refer to as Bob, as I don’t want to stoop to his level of low has recently been in a way been harassing me on Facebook. When it started he was dating my best friend, however since then they have broken up. At first it was my status asking for songs with feminist agenda’s for a project, seeing if anyone had any ideas and he gave me a link to “Big Booty Bitches”. Haha, okay I can laugh a little too, that is who he is whatever, I’m insulted but he was trying to ‘help’. But now it has come to things like this:

My Status: This prof is beginning to sound a lot like the teacher in Charlie Brown. He is talking but all I hear is whommp... whommp... whommp... whommp... whommp...

Bob: Women are allowed to attend school now? Wow times sure have changed

Bob: Are you majoring in cooking, or cleaning? Minoring in pleasing your future husband I'd assume

Yes, he replied to my status twice. After receiving these kinds of comments I said enough is enough and sent him the following email. The emails and status’ have been copied and pasted, so they are exactly as I received them.

Bob,

I really don't appreciate all the negative woman comments you have commented on my facebook. At first it was a joke, not it is not funny. Please stop. If you need to delete me as a friend. I won't be insulted if not just stop. Thanks, RadicalNotion

And his reply to this was as follows:

RadicalNotion,

Apparently you don't appreciate the english language. At first it was a joke, but now a female taking their computer privileges for granted is not funny. Please stop. If you need to make me a sandwich to make it up to me, I will not be insulted. 

Thanks,

Bob.

I don’t get it. I asked him nicely to stop and he just won’t needless to say we are not friends on Facebook anymore, but I don’t understand is why he feels the need to be so fundamentally rude about it. I don’t understand why people have to be so ignorant. Why do people have to be so rude and impulsively in your face. Hold your beliefs, but if you don’t have something nice to fucking say DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! It’s a simply but affective rule.

Promise of A "Fairy-tale Life"

Lately I have been noticing the implications of the “fairy-tale life” that is spoon fed to young girls, well all women if I am being honest.

As soon as it is announced, “It’s a girl”, there is assumption that this little person is in need of rescuing. While this is not always conscious I would argue that to some extent it is always there. If you look at the ways in which people interact with babies this is clearly demonstrated. How do you act with a little boy? You through him in the air or bounce him around on your knee. If it was a baby girl, you are more likely to play peek-a-boo or tickle her to make her smile. These different styles of interaction clearly show a gender distinction. Why not through the baby girl in the air or tickle the baby boy? Because you are both consciously and unconsciously making a distinction between the two children, based on the fact that one was born with a penis and one with a vagina.

As the child grows older, we transfer our expectations into actions. As I have said before, I am presently working in a children’s store. When I am at work it absolutely drives me crazy but the first two questions I am supposed to ask someone when they are looking for a present for a child is: what is the child’s age and what is the child’s gender. Once I know those two things I point them in gender stereotyped directions. Little girls go to the dolls and crafts, little boys to the cars and dinosaurs. I try and sneak other options in there, but it is only like 1 in 30 times am I successful. The most successful I tend to get is when you get to the animal figurine section, which are apparently ‘gender neutral’. These children, are partitioned into boy and girl and TRAINED how to act their sex. In fact, from my interactions with children, they are bigger gender police than a lot of adults.

But what really gets me is the notion that is presented to little girls of the princess culture. (For the purposes of this article, when I refer to princess culture I am referring primarily to Disney Princesses, as they are the most stereotypical of my argument.) Truthfully I have mixed emotions about the princess culture. One the one hand, they tell young girls you can achieve the world. For example, in Beauty and the Beast, Belle does not want to settle for a life with the stuck-up, self-centered, arrogant, asshole that is Gaston. Instead she wants to find something more with her life. If you cannot see me right now I am applauding you Disney, good job! Pat yourself on the back! But at the same time, each of these young princesses is so defined by their prince, their knight in shining armour, their “savour”. If you think of Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, both women needed to be awakened from their spell by their ‘true love’. Aurora and Snow White are not the only princesses that needed to be rescued: Belle was saved by the Beast from marrying Gaston and Cinderella was saved from her ‘miserable’ life by her prince. All these women were rescued or saved by the man of their dreams.

Not too long ago I was babysitting for a young girl who is in love with the princess culture. As I was tucking her into bed, it was her decision as to what book we read. She chose a book of princess weddings. The book consisted of two pages of each princess as they got prepared for their wedding and got married to their prince. Some princesses had to pick out their dress, while others just admired their decorations or how lucky they were to marry their prince. It really makes me wonder what we are telling young girls today. Princesses can be strong role models, however when you are defining them in terms of their prince, I do not at all think that the princess culture is teaching young girls any positive messages. We are telling young girls that your prince will save you, you will ride off into the sunset and live “Happily Ever After”. That may be the case for some women but it is anything but the norm.

To me it is like looking at the depictions of women in the media, they are all skinny, pretty and preppy and then looking at women in real life. Women in real life come with curves and personalities. It is unrealistic to tell young girls that they are guaranteed to happily ever after, in particular to define their happiness by the man in their life. Why can’t we teach young girls to stand up for themselves, to in a way be their own prince, to be their own “savour”?

The “Fairy-tale Life” that we are telling young girls exists is unreasonable and irresponsible. These princesses are smart, intelligent and capable women, that much does come off viewing their stories, however I would really love to see a princess who finds her own happy ending. She can have a prince (or even another princess – why not have a queer princess, but that is a whole other can of worms), by her side but why can’t we see a princess kick ass! Prince’s fight dragons and save the day. Where is our Joan of Arc in children’s form? Please Disney if you are reading this, people would love to see a princess that saves her own day. Without it we are telling young girls their life is in another’s hands. Women are the subject of their own lives not the object, so let her kick some ass please! (and thank-you!)

Compelled to Marry

Whether it is the holidays or just the right time, for some reason, I have a handful of friends and family that have gotten engaged. While I am excited for all of them and wish them all nothing but the best, I am starting to question the obligatory feelings we have to rush into marriage and a family. Most of the individuals I know that have just announced this grand new (4 out of 5 individuals) are under the age of 23, one just turned 20 before Christmas. I myself am a couple weeks away from being 21 and could not imagine having a ring on my left ring finger let alone preparing to manage a household and potentially a family. It may also partially be because I am single that I cannot image such things for myself, but being so young I feel I have to world and my fingertips and cannot wait to explore it.

            Some of the couples that have recently announced their engagement have not been together that long, the longest relationship out of the all of them is 6 years however a very rocky six years. The next longest is a year and a half. At our age how can we really know that it is someone that we want to spend our life with if we have only known them for such a short period of time. Let alone how can we truly understand what it is to be married. Marriage is a life commitment. Not a week, or a year but a lifetime! Don’t get me wrong I am pro-marriage however I do not think it is something that ANYONE no matter your age should rush into or take lightly.

            These people do love each other, I cannot deny that (or even speak of their love because I am not a part of their relationship, just an external viewer) but why do these couples feel so obliged to proclaim their love. What is wrong with waiting a little while longer. Why not continue dating or even live together. Why do these couples feel the need to legally bind their love and commitment to one another. What is our social fancination with legally binding love. Why can’t love be freeform, go with the flow. Why after such as short courtship are these individuals feeling compelled to legally bind themselves to their partners.

            I cannot speak of what it is like to be married, but it does not make sense to me. Does someone else have insight that I don’t have?